another day of pain

well we went to court and after being threatened with complete loss of my children if i didnt do exactly as ex's lawyer said i caved and gave him 50 /50 custody of the girls. so now my children are in danger. this so called man couldnt take care of isabella for a couple hours let alone her and the baby for a week. i am utterly discusted with our court system that they would let and abusive man keep 2 baby girls alone for a week at a time. pray for my children for they might as well be left to fend for themselves

Its been awhile

Sorry everyone i know its been awhile since i posted anything. ive been having more spouse problems and its really put a strain on me. but ive been talking to soneone whi has made me see a brighter day and reminded me that i can be happy and that things will work out if i follow my heart. So i am now working on a plan to get into a better place in life.On a side note we got a cute baby calf named stevie yesterday and he is so loving. he bit my butt though which i must say was not that cute from my point of view. Isabella is doing descent with her potty training and lilly is still nursing like a champ. actually shes nursing so well i feel drained at times.

I am currently waiting on my new and first beco butterfly baby carrier to arrive , mail lady must think im crazy by now. once it gets here i intend to start hiking again, i really miss it. i wish i could had the funds and could talk dear sis into going together to buffalo river just me and her and go canooing. im still here as of now but things are starting to look up. now if only i can get my car fixed

the pain

a poem i wrote the other night when i was in such pain from all thats been going on
im the girl who hides her pain with a smile that brightens everyone elses day
so now here i lay the pain is always and will not go away.
my life is crap and crap itll stay.my love is hate my hate is love
this time i can not rise above.
i want and need to leave but stupid me i still cleave.all i ever wanted was a simple life 
to be a mother,and wife.i love my girls but i cant fight no more,i wish i would just fall dead to the floor. dear god take away the pain. cant you see slowly get it over already.
take me out of this place im so past ready

happy new year

well 2008 has come and gone and now we begin 2009. i hope everyone else had a better year than us, there are some i can never forgive and some i can never forget. 

me

im the girl that hides her pain with a smile that brightens everyone elses day

a new start

For those that dont know ive bee having alot of problems with life in general,too much to list in one post. Well yesterday i stayed off the computer most the day and since it wasnt to cold and it was pretty i took the girls outside to play. /isabella swung on her swing ,drove her car,ran all over the yard and fed the chickens, we had a blast but after all was said and done we were tired.So last night i was so wore out we all went to bed at 6pm .we got up before dawn and everybody was in a great mood. me included.ive been online but not at the computer , me and Isabella have been playing (indoors thanks to the rain:( )i cooked a real breakfast for the first time in a long time.i plan on making chicken and dumplins today and starting some bread dough to rise so i can cook tommarow.the whole morning has been great until glenn decided to go back to his computer room and icolate himself from his family once again.but im not letting it get me down , i loved the few hours we had together as a real family. so pray that things can keep going this way.because they can only get better from here. oh ifi only i can be as happy as i was this morning everyday. that would be a dream come true

our christmas pics

we had a blast getting our christmas pics i know that if the lady didnt have to rush to get the other 3 families behind us in these would be so much better but im happy anywasy

NIGHT TERRORS

Well here it is 4am iv been up since 2am with isabella and her battleing a night terror (i guess) she sat up screaming bloody murder.adn fling herself around ,even though her eyes were open i couldnt wake her ,and then she finally woke up but was still behaving the same way only she would calm down then look up and point into the air and scream again and try to run away ,she was terrified and it terrified me , im about ready to have a exercisom on my trailer ,this is the first time its happened to isabella ,but the same thing has happended to my ds twice here and me quite a few times.my poor baby i couldnt do anything for her ,so we left and went to my mother in laws house and she calmed down but she wanted out of this house and was so scared.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Well I figure everyone is off to see thier amilies for turkey day, I just wanted to take a moment to say thai i amvery thankful for my wonderful girls isabella and iliana and even though we dont always get along my dear husband glenn ,with out them my life would have no meaning. Everyone be safe and have a fun and happy thanksgiving. 

free readng

Deviled Eggs and christmas trees

Well this morning i made my first deviled eggs.FUN not the prettiest in the world but they taste great. by the way boiled eggs DONOT peel easily ,that or these eggs just didnt want eaten.

ok now like i promised here are photos of the christmas tree and isabella playing with it. lol glenn made a tree skirt and it says merry christmas everyone isabella,glenn,crystal,lilliana, i died laughing . my childs name is iliana not lilliana ,i guess he was thinking lilly and iliana at the same time.

playing peek a boo

playing with her tree

chilli problems

Well ladies you would be proud to know i found the way to fix scoarched chilli,soups as long as they are not creamy, use a few spoons of peanut butter and stir into it (it doesnt affect the flavor) or cut up a potato the affect isnt as good but it helps some.

Twilight Review

Sadly i must say it wasnt as good as i hoped and exspected it to be. it was still an ok movie but ,it was also one that its hard to stay awake for.

Teeth Soap Part 2

Well i was looking everywhere for it this morning and apparently my dogs ate it or it just disappeared . uggg

O' Christmas Tree

ytyrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr vft bmmmk jyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyO Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree Oh How I Love Thee Christmas Tree . thats right we put up our Christmas Tree. It looks a Lil odd because i only decorated the top half so Isabella couldnt pull the ornaments off lol.She loves it,she has played with it every since it was put up.Im so excited because this year she can play with what she gets fro christmas and next year both her and Lilly will be able to enjoy christmas. Merry Christmas everyoneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyfllk,mkbop. lol i stepped out of the room , and i guess isabella had something to type.(im not deleting because everything she has to say matters as much as what i say even if we dont understand it)ill post photos of the christmas tree when i get finished decorating the house

Black friday is coming up

well I know we are all getting ready for black friday ,so here are some sites that have the ads listed early.
http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/hughes/35180

Did You Know Tootsie Pops Are Supposed To Be Dipped In Breastmilk?

I was exspessing some milk because lilly slept alot today instead of nursing ,and here comes Isabella with a tootsie pop trying to dip it into the container , i tell her no and she hits me with the sucker and tries again. again I tell her no and she throws her self to the floor kicking and screaming. gets up and tries again and i tell her no so she slaps at me and runs to her daddy and all i hear is "mama bad" through her crying ,glenn ask me what i did and i tell him and he just laughs his ass off. well after about the 30th time i just give her the cup and she dips her sucker in there and eats it like that for a few minutes then just decides to drink it so apparently suckers are better dipped in breast milk m i didnt know that ,lol you learn something new everyday

Sharing can be dangerous

Im sitting here looking at my 2 month old daughters swollen eye ,from where her dear sister tried to share her tooth brush with her and poked her in the eye trying to share it with her. Last week i was trying to calm her because her sister hit her with toy trying to share. Most moms worry because they cant get their children to share ,I cant get mine to stop. lol

Isabella's First Haircut

Holding my breath. In 2 hours I will be carrying my 13 month old to get her very first haircut. I do not want it cut but it has gotten so long she cant see. Pray that I dont break down crying when they start cutting it.I will take lots of pics. and update this when I return. Well here is her hair. lol I chickened out and couldnt do it also her nana begged me not to get it cut.

Planning The Party

Sunday will be the last episode of True Blood until the summer:( i just want to cry. but never fear ,my wonderful sister and i are having a party for it. we are going to get up early and watch every episode leading up to the new and last episode.we are going to have a nice dinner and just a all around good time ,cant wait until sunday. ill take lots of pictures